cant even think of a good title for this entry...

not exactly sure why 2009 started off so good and then immediately reversed itself COMPLETELY. one thing i can tell you, is that 2009 is making me learn a lot more about myself then i ever though i knew..which i guess is a good thing, except for the fact that im learning everything the hard way. we are only halfway through january, so who knows what the rest of the year may bring. for one, im starting to notice that im becoming more and more independant each day. i have a few people to thank for that. for starters id like to thank those of my "friends" who turned on me when i needed them the most. honestly, thank you. your only making me into a better person by showing me that i cant rely on other people to make me happy, or make my problems go away. i can do all of that on my own. aside from all of that though, i feel so out of place lately. mentally, not socially. my mind is wandering into places i hoped it never would. im confused and so angry cause its all new to me and i have no idea what to do from here. i know i will figure this mess out in time, but the one thing i will never do is ask someone for help. i feel like when i ask anyone for help im "giving in" or showing that im weak, which i know im not. 

On a better note, i went to the cold world show last night in Edison where i met up and sandra and martina. if it wasnt for them being there i probably would have gone insane...or maybe even kidnapped (haha they know what im talking about). it was the first time me and sandra actually really hung out and im so glad we did cause we have more in common then i ever thought we would...and as for this coming weekend, january 23-25, its the baltimore tattoo convention. me and keri will be there all weekend with the maryland GQs and a few other girls from different state chapters. not exactly sure what the daytime will bring us, but maybe if im lucky ill be able to get tattooed while im there..but the nighttime will consist of lots of partying. so stoked.

i need some much needed sleep.

night

xxo