my thoughts in a nut shell..

"I get the creeps from all the people in here

I cannot breathe, its too crowded in here

Dont look at me

I dont wanna be seen, touched, heard, bothered by the fellas who got a look in their eye

They wanna take me home without knowin my name

They wanna put me on

But what they dont know is that Im not like the others"

xxo

Baltimore Tattoo Convention

Im not even sure where to start with this one. NOTHING went the way I had planned, but it still managed to work out perfectly and ended up being the best weekend of my life. Me and Keri booked a room at the Sheraton Hotel right in Baltimore, which was cool cause the convention was right in the hotel. So Im about 30 minutes away from Baltimore and Keri calls me saying she cant come anymore cause her car wont start. At this point I had no idea what to do. I arrive at the hotel, by myself, with like 5 bags of stuff. I checked in and went to my room and started to get ready while I figured out what to do in this situation. Luckily, Kait and her two friends Kat and Marissa came down from jersey, and also Mark came down from PA. I went down to the convention around 3ish and went to the GQ booth where I had to help sell raffle tickets and merch and what not. A few hours later, Frankie (Leader/Founder of the GQs) told me that I was going to be the one who presented all the awards to the tattoo contest winners. I was so nervous, and my feet were KILLING me cause of the heels i had to wear, but overall, it went well. Im still waiting on all the photos and videos. Right after I presented the awards, I had to run and do the pin-up contest that I had entered. I thought I had no chance of winning, but I ended up being the runner up. Anton and his friends came and cheered for me which was awesome too. After the contest i ranned and grabbed all my stuff at the booth and me anton and his friends and kait and mark went up to the hotel and hung out for a little. We looked out my window and saw 2 girls flashing the world from the hotel across from us, and then some dude was taking pics of their cooters, it was awkward. Uhmm a little while later we walked to the sidebar for a show. At this point I was completely out of it and had no idea what was going on. I met a bunch of new people though. And from what I can remember, me and anton left the sidebar and walked back to the hotel to get my car. NEXT MORING: Im supposed to check out of the hotel around 12, but I extended my time till about 8, cause I still had a lot of work to do at the convention. It wasnt as eventful as saturday night though. All we did was mostly pack up our stuff. I met back up with mark, and we went to the sidebar for another show. I was exhausted so i just sat at the bar the whole time and played some game called "photofind" with some dude that i dont know. After the show me dan anton and his friend court i think her name was (im the worst with names) left and went back to my car. I left the next morning. And i got a parking citation for $42. haha whatev. I had the best weekend of my life and Im bummed that it ended so quickly...im actually just bummed that it ended, period. 

(PICS COMING SOON)

cant even think of a good title for this entry...

not exactly sure why 2009 started off so good and then immediately reversed itself COMPLETELY. one thing i can tell you, is that 2009 is making me learn a lot more about myself then i ever though i knew..which i guess is a good thing, except for the fact that im learning everything the hard way. we are only halfway through january, so who knows what the rest of the year may bring. for one, im starting to notice that im becoming more and more independant each day. i have a few people to thank for that. for starters id like to thank those of my "friends" who turned on me when i needed them the most. honestly, thank you. your only making me into a better person by showing me that i cant rely on other people to make me happy, or make my problems go away. i can do all of that on my own. aside from all of that though, i feel so out of place lately. mentally, not socially. my mind is wandering into places i hoped it never would. im confused and so angry cause its all new to me and i have no idea what to do from here. i know i will figure this mess out in time, but the one thing i will never do is ask someone for help. i feel like when i ask anyone for help im "giving in" or showing that im weak, which i know im not. 

On a better note, i went to the cold world show last night in Edison where i met up and sandra and martina. if it wasnt for them being there i probably would have gone insane...or maybe even kidnapped (haha they know what im talking about). it was the first time me and sandra actually really hung out and im so glad we did cause we have more in common then i ever thought we would...and as for this coming weekend, january 23-25, its the baltimore tattoo convention. me and keri will be there all weekend with the maryland GQs and a few other girls from different state chapters. not exactly sure what the daytime will bring us, but maybe if im lucky ill be able to get tattooed while im there..but the nighttime will consist of lots of partying. so stoked.

i need some much needed sleep.

night

xxo

if i learned anything in 2008...

when something seems too good to be true... it usually is.

xxo

HAPPY 2009

so far this year has gotten off to an amazing start. i spent all of new years eve and new years day with sam in baltimore and if i could re-do it all over again i wouldnt change a single thing. and not to mention, its the first new year i spent SOBER since i was a freshmen in high school haha...which is a good thing, by the way. uhmm i helped sam out with some of his shopping before tour and then i met up with mark..he drove down to baltimore and we ate at the cheesecake factory and i drove home afterwards. i hate the feelings i get when i leave baltimore. its so like, depressing.

i hadnt really though of any new years resolutions until tonight when i was driving home...i wouldnt even really call them "resolutions"..cause resolutions are like things that you dont really wanna do, but should..like saying "i will go to the gym everyday"...we all know you dont wanna go (and you most likely wont)..its just something you should do...the things that i came up with are more like, plans..or goals..

1. start a music project with jess

2. move to baltimore 

3. make LOTS of money in cosmetology

4. travel to places i have not been to yet

5. expand modeling career

i cant even remember the rest. ill add on to the list later

xxo